Memories & Reflections

Home | Memories | Favorites | Leadership |Dalagang Pinay |

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Present

It hasn't been long since I wrote the last entry, has it? I wonder if this is purely coincidence or a matter that I simply can not comprehend. Just recently ( I think a couple of days to be exact), the person I was talking about came back. How about that! The following day, we're already communicating and planning of a get-together sometime soon.

I'm just glad he's safe. And also happy that he is home. I was really worried when the unfortunate happened in the place where he was at. Even my family asked about his safety. After all, he is my friend... first and foremost.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

How long is the wait

Perhaps to say that you are special to me is an understatement; with all honesty, I say you occupy that distinct place in my life. Not that I am romantically interested in you, but mainly because you are the one person who had the courage to let me know you are romantically interested in me and I believe you. From among the rest, I know the sincerity of your actions. For that I am grateful and I truly appreciate it.

I remember when we were in high school, where everything began, you gave me a card just before we were about to graduate. That time, you were rumored to be 'involved' with a girl from your class. In my mind for a moment then I thought you 'betrayed' me. How dare you say you are interested in me when in fact there's this other girl? Jealous? Not actually but my concern was that 'Had I been wrong to believe you that it is me whom you like?'. That question was answered a couple of years back, ten years after I asked that to myself. You personally told me there never was you and the girl.

Anyway, that card is probably the most romantic memento I got from high school. I can still remember the words verbatim. It says:

Practiced my lines over and over again,
Trying to make sure that I do not offend
When all I really wanted to say is...
I love you.

P.S. Wait til I show the world how much I really do.

I am not sure why I am remembering this now. Perhaps I am being nostalgic of our younger days. Looking at us now, it's silly to think none of us has ever involved in any romantic relationship. Maybe that answers the why. Does your note to wait still stands? How long do you intend to keep it? Are you yet to show it to the world? To me?

I had the liberty to share our history to a male friend. I wanted to hear how he would receive our story and his thoughts coming from a male perspective. I told him where you are now; what are your activities and where do we stand. We are clearly having friends status: contrary to all the unsuccessful efforts to pursue me when we were younger, now, we casually meet and dine with no further ado. Just as friends do. I told him that you are pursuing 'my dream', as I recall having shared it to you some time back. Remember, I even accused you of such act and you simply smiled. My friend had some interesting conclusions he shared to me after hearing the story. Ready?

He said that after all these years (fifteen to be exact), you still have deep feelings for me. Since you were not able to properly show them when we were younger, being the shy person that you are, you opted to come back as a better man. The mere fact that you pursue 'my' dream spells that. And also, all these years, you never once involved yourself to any romantic relationship. That is a show of loyalty. It was funny how he tried to make me understand this insight. I don't really know if that is the case. He also said that he thinks I have feelings for you. Feelings that I do not give a chance. Well, like I said earlier, it's not romantic in nature but rather because I have always felt honored with your sincere intentions.

I did not tell my friend about the card. I think it will only strengthen his theory. But looking at it now, was that really the case?

Two years ago, before you left to study abroad--and pursue my dream--the day before I flew to the States, you and I went together to our alma mater. We originally planned to visit our friend and see his new business site but it would be too time-consuming that we decided just to go to UP. On the bus terminal, my sister and her friend (who later became her boyfriend) saw us. The first thing her friend told her was that you are interested in me. He has no idea who you were but that single time he saw you he was able to conclude so. My sister and I were so surprised of his comment, perhaps that is something between men as we women claim as instinct. Silly because that time, we are like where we stand today--friends. Was that a hint? Is that an indication that my friend is correct?

More than a year ago you came back for a break and we, your high school friends, had a homecoming party for you. Of course, everyone knows about our history and decided to put us in the hot seat later that night. They asked us the question that bogged their minds from the start: Why had there been no 'us'? As usual they only got a smile for an answer. Then one of our friends asked you: "Isn't she okay for you?" Your prompt reply was: "She's not okay; she's more than okay!" Which I blatantly ignored out of embarrassment. Then they asked me: "What's wrong?" I said that in general, I would not want to put anyone in the cliff being involved in a relationship when I myself is not decided yet whether I will have my own family someday. Maybe it wasn't the best answer in a class reunion as they readily became silent. Then one male friend looked me in the eye and with all sincerity asked me to reconsider that thought.

So, too much recollection of the past here, back to the issue. Now, that triggered the nagging thought in my mind now. When you said wait twelve years ago, up until when did you mean it stands? Do you still expect me to do so? I didn't actually know if you had 'shown the world' what you said before. Somehow you left me something to think about.

Perhaps the question that I should probably ask myself now is, "Am I willing to wait?"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Quoting on Love

This was taken from the musings of Kamiya Kaoru, in the fanfiction Only With You, written by Scented Candles:

She wondered what if would feel like to have a boy kiss her.
She'd never been kissed before.
She'd never had a boyfriend before in fact but it had never really bothered her.
She was a romantic but romance wasn't at the top of her lists of priority.
Still, sometimes she thought about what it would feel like to be in love and whether it would even happen to her or not.
She'd found a lot of boys handsome but she'd never been able to say that she loved them, not in the romantic sense.

Why do I feel like I know exactly what this means.... huh.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


13 February 2010

This is to remember a wonderful person--my one true love--my Nanay.

Happy 8th birthday in heaven, Nanay. I love you. Forever.

Your daughter,

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I’m sorry for being mean.

For lack of better word, I guess that’s the closest terminology to put it.

Yes, whether I admit or not, I am being mean to my oldest brother. I don’t want to. REALLY. But I guess he has to understand life that way even at that expense.

He is lacking responsibility and he wouldn’t flinch. We are all trying to help him but he makes himself helpless. I definitely hate to say that last statement. I love him and I want him to learn. Now I have to step up as a sister to help him realize that. We care for him very much, we cannot tolerate misbehavior.

Honestly, I am the only one from the family with whom he actually acknowledges reproach. He knows my words are true. He hears my father but he doesn’t heed. No, he’s not disrespectful; he just can’t be responsible for his actions. And for that, other complications arise. And other people—us, in the family—suffer.

My siblings and my father respect my role as the “mean sister.” I’m really sorry. I pray that you’d open your eyes, Kaka.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Pinay, you’re not making sense.

Alright, I will take the defensive stance and say this: I’m not affected (or rattled) by the fact that most of my friends are either committed, engaged, married, have babies…etc, etc, other than be happy for them. And it's true.

Unfortunately for me, since most of them belong to one of the categories above (with two weddings this year and two babies on the way—these are four different people, by the way), I am not spared from the sniper scope of “questions” about my “status.” My NBSB status and the future that I intend to tread on is under study.

Which led to the earlier post on today’s reflection: I have not allowed my self to fall in love. At least, not yet.

Somebody cried: W-H-Y ??!

No response.

Today's reflection

I have not allowed my self to fall in love. At least, not yet.

Perhaps that answers the other questions.
Every time I look at her face I couldn’t keep my self from feeling bliss. Her smile surmounts everything else around me—she IS very happy. And I am ever joyful for her—for them. I love her and wanted only the best for her. She is my sister. My dear friend. My beloved Teeny. And as she nears that aisle, I rejoice with her. My best wishes to my best friend.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Today is Grandma Merl's 81st birthday. She's celebrating in Daly City, CA.

Happy Birthday, Grandma! I miss you!

I pray for God's blessing of good health and joy in your life. You are loved.